So once again, been a while since i blogedededed. No real reason, just haven't had much to say.
School has begun for a while now, things still pretty chill. I think in general this semester will be relatively easy, though I still have to remind myself to buckle down like I told myself I would. Once you think things are easy, thats when you being to slip. Tsk tsk.
Something that's been on my mind is the effect of words. They hold more power that we allow ourselves to believe sometimes.
I've been thinking about it because of, of all things, Jaebeom's departure from 2PM. Yep, the Korean boy band. Now, it seems like a little thing, but what did this start over? Some bashing he did on Korea and Koreans back in 2005 on his myspace page when he was frustrated and constantly faced walls in his career. I can't count the number of times I've badmouthed Chinese people, random people, basically everyone and everything lol. But since they uncovered his little posts on Myspace, people in Korea have been sending in petitions saying he should leave the group, should be banned from korea, should commit suicide? How does that even work? Get 1 million signatures and you're obligated to slit ur wrists? lol
Point being, I think that on both sides, there are issues with voicing oneself. Jaebeom's choice of words were probably not the best, though that is somethign I rarely think about while I'm ranting getting out my feelings as well. However, from the general Korean public standpoint, I feel they just took this shit way too seriously and blew it out of proportion. But hey, what can you say?
It's just like a typical quarrel that escalates into a fight. The first punch that is throw is often not a physical one, but a verbal one. Words hurt, no?
I guess I should think about what I say to other people a bit more. We all should. Will I? Will we? Lol probably not. It's the way we're programed to be as humans. Humans by nature are idiotic. Forget the whole theory of humans are born good and are corrupted vs humans are born evil and must be cleansed, my theory is that all humans are born, and are forever doomed to a life of idiocy. We fuck up. But hey, that's how we learn. Some of us, I admit, take longer, but we all move slowly at our own paces.
But on the note of fucking up, I watched 9 today.
God damn Elijah Wood, why must you play parts where your character messes EVERYTHING up?
Sigh. lol.
Life is getting a bit boring, but I gotta be careful what I find to amuse myself. It's a dangerous world out there lol. ;P (Because i'm out there lolol)
So summer's pretty much winding down. As soon as I finish work next week, I'll be starting school once again on the 24th. I really do wish I had more time, but... I guess I have SFSU's longer vacations and earlier dismissal to look forward to? So far away though.
Classes had me ripping out my hair (not literally) this past week, but fortunately, due to demands I suppose, more classes have been added and I should be fine for now. I really have to focus this next semester... I don't feel like I'm doing all I can to be a good student, something I'd wished I had changed before getting to college. Though we often tease people for being bookworms, I have a lot of respect for the people can get their stuff DONE!
But yes, Summer... it's had its ups and downs as usual, with many instances where I felt like I've done something unnecessary, or have gone out of my way to do certain things that go unnoticed, but... part of being who I am is the cause of that I suppose.
I remember when I first heard the notion "there is no unselfish act", and it kind of bothered me for a while. Helping others, trying to do what's best, I've always thought of it as contributing something, which it is. However, the thought that I do certain actions because I'm in it for the gain, in this case being the good feeling that you get from it, it kinda made me think. I guess I was on a "doing good" rampage for the last years of high school, so any thought of selfishness made me cringe. Because of that though, I feel like I've become a more humble person. In most cases, once someone calls themselves humble, they lose that sense of... eh... humbleness? However, due to what I've learned, I'm okay with that. I don't care to be recognized as humble anymore, nor do I care what people think of my actions when I'm trying to help.
Occasionally you'll run into people on the streets where they just don't trust anyone, and so they may look at you funny when you do little things like hold open the door for them receiving no thank you. I can't say I'm NOT bothered by that, but simply because I've always valued a little something called manners.
If I have learned anything, it's that you should never expect people to return good will. Hell, that's something I should have learned from psychology/tripping. Go in with no expectations. It took me so long to learn that, but I feel like I've grown as well because of the struggles I put myself through. In the end though, I still stand by what I believe in, even if others don't fully understand my mindset or actions.
But I didn't start this blog to rant about what I've learned, or anything deep really. Just haven't written in a while.
Just a bit sad that Summer is winding down. Though I'll probably be working OCJCC during after-school session as well, I'm gonna miss the kids that disappear during the summer. Haha, Ken. It's been a good summer, even if I've lost my head a few times. I hold onto so many things because of how I think, and I find it hard to convey certain thoughts, but that's part of life I suppose.
Hopefully things will run smoothly so we can walk forward with smilies on our faces. Hoho. One more week... it all went by quite quickly, but with every window that shuts itself, another opens.
Building up to the event, I didn't feel too much excitement, perhaps I was too overwhelmed by being nervous and all, but I shit you not, meeting the Wonder Girls is probably one of the best memories I have so far. The girls are so sweet... and you know, usually people are skeptical of celebrities because they kind of have to put up a front, but after meeting them and getting to speak with them, not saying they don't HAVE to act nice, but they seem like genuinely sweet, kind-hearted girls.
I guess I'll just start from the beginning. A HUGE thanks to Howard for driving me and making this all possible for me. Dude I really appreciate it.
So arriving at the HP Pavillion, it took a while to figure out where I was going, but eventually found everyone. After getting my wrist-band, the group of promoters were lead into the pavillion, downstairs, and backstage (or under-stage would be more accurate). At this point, all ice broke and I was just chatting with a few of the other people... unfortunately they told me to find them on facebook and I cant. But they have my name, and I'm easy to find so I'll leave that to them. But as we were lead into the room where we would meet them, I was shaking. I mean literally, I was so damn nervous. I took comfort in knowing I wasnt the only one.
So we were all pretty anxious. I was fiddling with my camera, just to realize the battery I put in an hour ago was dead. So lame. So I quickly swapped to my back up battery and WOOP WOOP, back in action! And that's RIGHT when the girls came in. Dude you have no idea how happy I was, and how overwhelmingly gay I must have looked in the process. I caught myself doing the :O face with my hand over my mouth when I saw them. Who the hell does that? Apparently I do. But as the girls came in, I was like... 4th in line from the front, so I got to them relatively quickly. First to shake hands was Mandoo Soo Hee, second was the alien Sun Mi, third Park Oppa Ye Eun, fourth Leader Min So Hee, and fifth, with no nickname needed, Yoo Bin, who I was about to pass out when I saw. They looked amazing as always, very polite of course. For whatever reason, I totally went into Asian mode and bowed my head to each of them, to which they all returned. I took a small sense of pleasure in noticing that no one else did that. Hehehe. Needless to say, when I finally DID get to shake Yoo Bin's hand, I also got a hug. Puahahahaha <3 By the way, their hands are very soft. lol.
After shaking their hands, we were all lined up once again, and I noticed Ye Eun pointing at me and whispering to Yoo Bin. Now, I know that most people who do that "are they looking at me?" thing are usually just being paranoid, but I kid you not, they were talking about me. I was actually just a bit afraid that they were saying I was ugly or something lol. Pretty soon Ye Eun got all the WG's attention and they were all glancing at me and whispering to eachother. Not that they had to whisper... it was all in Korean. I'll get back to this later.
So before the organized picture taking took place, I once again managed to dash to the front, as they were greeting us, just to chat for a bit. I was hit by a pleasant surprise. I was saying hi to Mandoo, and as she said nice to meet you, she gave me a hug. I was surprised yes, but as I just said, pleasantly. Once again, was I the only one of the few who got a Mandoo hug ? Of course n...... YES I WAS HAHAHA. Score.
Unfortunately, before I got to say too much to the other members, we were all made to line up. It was time for group photos, and fortunately, I had made friends with 4 others, because they were done in groups of 5. I lagged a bit though so didn't get my spot of choice between Ye Eun and Yoo Bin. It's okay, I just got an end next to Mandoo. She put her arm around my back to pull me closer. Jealous? Good.
SOOOO Okay, next comes my story of probably the best picture of the night. (Not that the pic with the girls wasnt awesome, I just wish I had gotten a single pic of me with them). So as I backed up and watched the others take pictures, guess who shows up? The big boss man himself, JYP. Hehehe... I snuck over to say hi, shake his hand, and take a pic with him. Mission accomplished. Yes. That accounts for my new FB pic.
So after all that, we came to get back in a line to get autographs, unfortunately, only one item. Sorry to those of you who I wanted to bring things back for. Howard for one, Wilson, my two cool-kid coworkers Judy and Anna, Hot Pan/Hung Pook, etc.
I decided to have my Wonder Girls shirt autographed. But you know, the thing is... the shirt was ON me. So I ran to the side of the room, ripped off my shirt, buttoned my jacket over my beater, and came back. On an embarassing note, Ye Eun looked up right as I was finishing pulling off my shirt, probably seeing that I'm a super fatty.
So after more lining up, I got my turn to get my shirt signed. I'll break this into a few PPs.
SUN MI. She is so freaking adorable. I admit, I wasnt quite sure what to say to someone like her, since even as I was walking up, she was dancing around and was off in space. I guess the videos don't lie lol. Cute alien. I gave her the shirt, and she asked me where I would like it signed. Not thinking too carefully... I told her "Hmm, anywhere's fine!". Little did I know she would try to take it seriously. She held the shirt first in the middle, right under the logo, then scooted it so she was looking at it lower, then lower, to the point where she was at the bottom of the shirt. I was like... she isn't thinking about signing at the bottom is she? I was right. She wasn't. She started opening the shirt and flipping it inside out as she looked up, smiled, and asked "You said anywhere right?". I was like "Okay okay! On the front on the front!!!" hahaha. Ah... so cute.
Next, YE EUN. This is where I continue the story of why they were looking at me. As I approached, the first thing she said was "You know, you really look like someone we know. That's why we were kind of surprised when we saw you." Haha, so that explains that I guess. She decided to write my name at the top as well, which... she spelled incorrectly HAHAHA. My name is now spelled "Briyant". But that's okay. It makes it all the more cute in my opinion. She tried. Hehe. I stayed around to show my amusement about her earlier statement, then was pushed along. But before I let myself be moved on, I gave her a hug. Yesssssss.
3rd, YOO BIN! But SUN YE also decided to sign at the same time since they were next to each other. They noticed my spectacle shirt and commented on how cute it was. They were finding themselves and signing near their characters hahaha. Yoo Bin particularly liked her character. Me? I particularly liked Yoo Bin. LOL. Talked a bit more about the shirt, and somehow exchanged a few words about the nobody dance haha, then the promoter lady pushed me along once again. Of course, I ran back to give Yoo Bin another hug lmao. Successsssss
Last this time was SO HEE. I didn't get to say too much to her as the people behind me were building up lol, but I just showed her the character that she could sign by and she signed it. I "accidentally" grabbed her hand as she was returning my shirt. And by accidentally I mean purposely. Don't you just hate me? Anyways, she looked up and said "Thank you Bryant" with an adorable smile. I think after letting it all soak in, my heart died of over-exhaustion.
At that point, just waited around for people to finish getting signatures. I wish I had gotten more pics, but with so many people dashing back and forth I didnt really get the chance. Anyways, next would be the goodbyes from that point. I was actually a bit crushed that the time was so short. But in that time, I was absolutely the happiest I had been in quite a while haha. But you know, the thing that really made my day?
As I was leaving, I couldn't help but give another fob bow, to which they turned to me and returned one. I did a gay little wave goodbye, and they all said "Bye Bryant." It's an amazing feeling to have you freaking IDOLS call you by name. So sad to have had to leave so soon...
My story pretty much ends here, its all i care to remember. As a promoter, basically since I was a "big guy" they had me lift fuckin heavy ass boxes of fliers back to the other promo members, which was like 3 blocks away. I also got a stack which was like 3 times as big as some of the other peoples... to which I gave out about half and gave up. From what I've heard from other people, they weren't even giving out autographed CDs, but at this point, I was too happy to remember or care. So I simply took the rest of the half of the fliers and left hahaha. So want a flier? i have plenty.
Just to balance out the extreme joy a bit... as I was leaving there were some 13-14 year old girls saying that those Korean girls were horrible and were nothing compared to Jonas Brothers. They went on to mock wonder girls singing Nobody, by singing with an ugly voice and laughing about it. Trust me, you guys KNOW how protective i am of them. It took mcuh strength and will to not hit them. hahaha
But regardless of signatures, items, etc. the true treasure I gained tonight was having the opportunity to meet the girls and to interact with them. The memories I have from today will not be soon forgotten, and just overall, I'm really really happy I had the chance.
Best night I've had in a long while. But I'm done for now. Trying to sleep soon. But too happy. Haha oh well, nite!
"Hi ChawSewBowFayJai! It's been 2078 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium?"
It's been 5.69315 years, and my answer is still Nope.
So after some careful consideration, I made my decision as to what I should do. Now that I've done it, you know, I'm really not sure it was the right choice. My actions may have put too much of a burden on someone else's shoulders. Not sure what I should do now, although the obvious answer is that there's not much I CAN do and to stop worrying, but you know me. No matter the situation, I want to do something about it. Ah, I suppose only time will tell.
Anyways, weekend's been okay. First there's the pre-weekend, Friday night. Went over to Nick's house, chilled a bit, played Cranium which made me feel absolutely retarded. But it was fun. After that Howard grabbed me and we ended up in Milpitas' Quickly. Regardless of some janky ass characters, I still had fun. Had a nice talk with him, as always.
Didn't do much Saturday, although when I got home at night, Perry was here which is always fun. Had some good talks with him as well, but felt like I had to get out, so we escaped into the night like the bad-boys we are and walked to 7-11. You know, people tell me that this neighborhood isn't the best place to walk around at night and it's scary and whatnot, but honestly, I don't think it's that bad. Or at least trouble hasn't found me quite yet. For the moment I still enjoy the night walks hehehe. Kinda realized that no matter what situation we're in, no matter what's going on around us, as people, we always manage to find things to worry about.
Today, went to the street fair in Fremont on Mowry. I was quite disappointed because there was like NOTHING i wanted to buy. No random trinkets I wanted to snag and let collect dust :( but yeah.. got home, and now just on the comp. Perhaps head to work a bit early tomorrow see if we need to get things ready.
WonderGirls tomorrow! HEHEHE. Through everything I've been worrying about, I guess I still have them to look forward to. Even though I'm nervous.
Sometimes things happen, or things are said that just make you reflect upon your own life. Am I wrong? Am I right? Sometimes life goes beyond the right and wrong, and all we can do is follow our hearts. I for one have neglected that premonition and have done lately what I thought was right, with little regard to others. It seems these past few years have changed me greatly without me noticing.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my recent actions and decisions that I'm not necessarily proud of, or really accept myself for. I can't help but wonder why I act the way I do. While I do hold the concern of what others do think of me, perhaps I've been going too out of the way to BOTH ignore AND listen attentively. Sometimes I find myself rebelling against what others say, simply because I don't enjoy being told what to do. Likewise, regarding people I respect or admire, perhaps I put too MUCH thought into it and forget what I believe is right and wrong.
Though a bit lame sounding at times, I remember the past few years where I've not always done what is accepted, but I always did what I thought was right, and I was always proud of it. That sense of honor, respect. I've never betrayed that, until recently. I've said, done some stuff that I do feel bad for, but have somehow fooled myself into believing that it's okay, and that I just didn't care anymore. The truth is, I do care, and I hate to disappoint others, along with disappointing myself. I've always sworn my undying sense of devotion and loyalty to those I've cared about, and I looked over people even when I was not always wanted or even welcome at times, because regardless of whether I received appreciation for it, I did what I felt was what I wanted to do regarding my morals.
Perhaps it's dumb to let something so distant from my own life to make me so critical of myself, and perhaps it doesn't even concern me in any way, but after some thought, I kind of miss the old me. I know that people change as time goes, and things do not always stay consistent, but some things are just so dramatically different that it opens my eyes. Am I once again putting too much thought into it again?
Sometimes the people most critical of you are the ones that you should pay attention to most, whether it be family or a friend.
But overall, life is good. I can't complain. I have my friends, work is fun although tiring, and things are running relatively smoothly with only the occasional bump (as long as I don't exaggerate the bumps into massive mountains). I have my eyes on a goal now which I'm not sure I can reach, but at times you have to aim high to allow yourself to flourish. Even if I don't succeed, there is something to be learned. I've underachieved for way too long. Come on Bryant, push forward with all your strength. Wish me luck haha.
Yours Truly, Fat ass Foofy.
PS - I don't like having a long chain of serious blogs. Hopefully the next one will be one of my lighter more entertaining ones.
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